Aug 03
Hi. My name is Amybeth. I am a workaholic.
Published by Amybeth (@researchgoddess) at 7:30 am under Thoughts
the most relaxing porch ever!
I recently took a week off to vacation in New Hampshire at my aunt and uncle’s home. They live in a little town called Newbury in the western part of the state, and I had no cell phone reception where they are located. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was able to (almost completely) disconnect for the majority of my week and enjoy spending time with my family going kayaking, hiking, visiting some special places with great childhood memories, and hanging out on the most incredible back porch I’ve ever seen. It was a breath of fresh air, literally, for me – I haven’t taken a real vacation in so long, I can’t remember the last time I left work at home and just relaxed.
When I came home after my week off, I was thoroughly exhausted. I napped for four hours the afternoon I returned, and two evenings last week I took long naps after work, only to get up for a couple of hours and go back to sleep for an additional 6-8 hours. Those of you who know me know that I never sleep that much – ever. I got concerned after the second four-hour evening nap, thinking there might be something wrong with me. And then it dawned on me.
My body was so starved for relaxation that it was revolting against my return to my normal routine.
I was reading through a colleague’s blog one evening last week, and one particular topic compelled me to leave a comment sharing the story of my last semester in college when I worked two internships on top of waitressing full-time to pay for school. As I was writing out my comment, I started thinking about other periods in my life when I worked this hard….
- When I was about five years old, my family went to Florida for vacation. I worked the shoreline, picking up all the whole shells I could find. When we returned home to Connecticut, I set up shop at the end of my driveway and sold my shells to passers-by. (“She sells seashells”…)
- When I was around six years old, I decided I wanted to host a ‘reading hour’ at my house for the other younger neighborhood kids. So I made up invitations and walked them around the neighborhood, inviting my play-pals over for storytime. I read a book to them and then we had snack – string cheese and I think orange juice.
- When I was in 6th grade, our English classes had a reading competition called “Battle of the Books”. The competition consisted of about 60 books that were to be read between four teammates, and then a quiz bowl was held. Teams from each class competed answering questions they would know if they read the books. My English teacher had never won this competition, so I made it my mission to win for him. Between myself and my teammates, we read all 60 books – but I read 57 and they each read one (that was the bare minimum a team member had to read in order to participate). My team won the Battle of the Books. Or, I guess, I pretty much single-handedly won it.
- In high school, I was in an accelerated magnet program called International Baccalaureate. I was in the symphonic orchestra and also on the swim team, the Academic team, in the National Honor Society, and president of the Key Club. I also started working after school and on weekends when I was 15. To graduate, I took six IB exams and four AP exams. I passed all of them and graduated 10th in my class with a 5.35 GPA. (yup – that’s possible with weighted classes) I also entered college with enough credits to start as a sophomore.
- In college, I waited tables 30+ hours a week for over two years while carrying a full load of classes. My last semester I held two internships – one of which was a two-hour drive away. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday I worked internship #1, and after finishing on Tuesday, I would drive to Jacksonville FL and stay at a friend’s mom’s house for internship #2. I worked Wednesday and then drove home. I waited tables on Monday, Thursday, and Friday evenings and worked double-shifts on Saturdays. I had Sundays off but I would often pick up evening shifts to make extra money. Oh, and I graduated in 3 1/2 years, with honors. And still managed to find time to party and thoroughly enjoy school.
- When I graduated, I couldn’t find work and was forced to move back home. I felt disgraced by this, so I worked two jobs to save up enough money to move out on my own. I lifeguarded Tuesday – Saturday during the day, and I waited tables on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I worked 16-hour days, six days a week, for eight months so I could move out and live on my own.
- When I moved to Cincinnati, I worked a full-time job as an internet researcher. But I also started a business that became quite successful. I would spend weekends traveling and working with my business clients. I did this for about four years. I had some very large corporate customers and spent almost all of my spare time servicing their accounts. At one point in time, I was requested to give a short presentation at a conference in front of 10,000 people, discussing some of my business’s success. I worked very hard at both my job and my company and was able to pay off my car and about $15,000 in revolving debt as a result.
- Over the last several years, I have devoted much of my spare time to writing my Research Goddess blog as well as helping out with local social media group efforts. I’ve also accepted speaking engagements, given online presentations, and volunteered to edit The Source Newsletter (until recently when I was hired by ERE Media). In the midst of all this, I also went on two mission trips to foreign countries and did a lot of manual labor while overseas.
Friends, I have been working since I was five years old! I simply do not know how to be idle. Proof? I’m writing this at 10:45pm because I am still going through work emails. Perhaps that’s more of a sign that I don’t have a life…
Have you ever felt guilty for taking time off work? I have. It’s lame, I know – and certainly not any of my employers’ doing. It’s all self-imposed guilt. I’m afraid of what I might be missing.
Hi. My name is Amybeth. I am a workaholic.
I know I will not be able to keep up this pace forever, yet I enjoy having an insanely full life. I don’t do things I do not enjoy, so all of the activities I fill my life with are things that bring me pleasure – whether they are my work, my pursuit of better health, or my social media hobbies. Admittedly, I don’t spend as much time as I should with my family – partially because they all live on the other side of the country. This is a big reason I took my vacation in New Hampshire with my aunt and uncle. And of course, when I do pause for a moment, my body takes FULL advantage and does its best to shut me down.
My point in writing all of the above is this: even though I do consider myself a workaholic, I love my pursuits. But I do recognize that I need to make more time for peace, meditation, and relaxation. I absolutely know I won’t be able to run this hard and this fast forever – I do want to get married and have kids eventually, and those two things will certainly change my pace and priorities. So I would like to ask any of you to offer up some suggestions on how I can work some relaxation into my hectic schedule. If you’ve found a good balance in your life, I want to hear about it! ‘Cuz my body sure is tired of running on all cylinders all the time…
Same lesson people had to learn when they first got mobiles – learn to turn it off sometimes. You control it, not the other way round. Social Media is the same, but a lot of people haven’t realised that – and when you work “in” social media all the time, it’s harder still to switch off. It’s one of the reasons I go camping 4 or 5 times a year!
Coming from a long line of alcoholics I figure this is a much healthier outlet for my addiction.
It is unfathomable to picture anyone going to the extend that you have in their professional now, not to mention how long you’ve been doing it for. But it’s living proof that you’re gonna get out of life whatever you put into it. You’ve certaintly earned it.
I’ve had some of the same guilt issues about taking time off from work, or feeling I have to step up to work on a project or task because I thought that none of my teammates would take on a role. It would stress me out to the point I’d be taking all my frustration and anger out on my end-users (my co-workers, my customers). It came to a boiling point last summer, as I almost got fired for it.
After that, a switch just flipped in my head. I abandoned that philosophy and adopted a new one: “Fuck it, I don’t care anymore”. Maybe that’s taking it a little too far to the other extreme, but after deciding to no longer beat myself up over what wasn’t getting done at work, I’ve been much happier. Not so much at work (I still hate my job), but personally. I’ve at least come to grips over the everything else that hasn’t “gone right” in my life (i.e., no committed, long-term relationship with a woman).
Oddly enough, my workaholism kicks in more often now. I’m more active in looking for things to keep me busy at work. Before, I’d just want to sit on my ass and not be bothered by anyone. Now, I’ll take a look at what open tasks are assigned to me and keep hacking away at my list. Happens to me at home too. I’ll plan out the chores and projects I want to take care of over the weekend, block off times to work on them, but if I finish one early, I’ll go get started on the next one, instead of waiting for my phone to remind me.
I’m still unhappy with where I’m at, but at least I’m more accepting of it.
Even though I work from home I have a work cell and a personal cell. I have a work computer and a personal computer. I turn off the work related devices on Friday evening and do not turn them back on until Monday morning. I am a workaholic but I focus my free time on other pursuits.
[...] I learned how to manage my time by balancing school, work, and fun (see my recent post on being a workaholic), and I made some great connections while there that are still valuable today. I’ll repeat [...]
I think what you have described above is what some therapists may describe as a “wake up call.” Your vacation required you to disconnect completely from your day to day and this allowed you to dig deeper. You took the time to map out a chronology of your life’s greatest achievements dating all the way back to childhood. This should be very cathartic, and will allow you to process and make changes starting now.
My personal philosophy on work is that nothing we do day to day is going to be written on our headstone when we go. What more do we have than being present in each moment, appreciating and celebrating it to the fullest. The more you make time and do the things you love each day (and no, writing your blog does not count–I’m talking purely selfish constructive things), the closer you will be to having a balanced life.
Advice I would give a self-proclaimed workaholic?
1. Move to Boulder, CO
2. RSS feeds of Zenhabits (Leo Babauta)
3. Keep a regular Yoga practice