Yes – I realize the irony of posting about how I hate social media on a blog. And I know I use Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn a lot. Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious. Perhaps you’ll put down your stones and take off your robe long enough to actually read and learn something. Hold on – I’m on a ranty ride today…

I’ve been participating on social media sites since before a lot of people even gave them credit. W-a-a-a-a-y before it was considered cool. I started using social networks in the days of BBSes – my destination of choice was a site called TaBBS (which stood for Talk Bulletin Board System). I was fourteen when I joined and I was one of the more prolific participants. I even met one of my high school boyfriends through TaBBS. Yep – I “internet dated” before it was cool, too. And for the record, I still haven’t met anyone great from internet dating sites…

I moved on from there to participate in AOL chat rooms and, over the course of time, lots of different social networking sites including (but not limited to) FaceTheJury.com, Friendster, MySpace, and of course now Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. My ultimate quest: omnipresence and omniscience. I wanted to be everywhere and to know everything. I guess that’s part of why I became a sourcer.

I loved social networks. A lot. And once I became a grown-up, I started realizing that social media had much more use than how most of us actually use it. It could be used for business purposes as well as personal. We can meld our work, social, and personal lives into one huge digitally social mosaic of existence. We can market our products or services online to current and potential customers through emails, status updates, IMs, DMs, and PMs while at the same time keeping our family updated on the latest adorable things our kids are doing without having to pick up a phone or pay a visit.

And therein lies the problem.

In our quest to be hyper-connected to everything and everyone, we’ve forgotten how to be humans. We hide behind our technology to avoid actual interaction. We’ve forgotten that people with feelings and needs are on the other side of the technology. And this is why lately I’ve really started hating social media. Here is one of the main reasons why:

“Slactivism.”

This term is loosely defined as the desire people have to do something good without getting out of their chair. Boy, have we perfected this lately. And social media has just made it worse, if you ask me.

Just last weekend, there was a Facebook campaign to change your profile picture to a cartoon character from your childhood to “raise awareness about violence against children.” yes, I changed my profile picture. I loved having an excuse to be Jem for the weekend. But is this really doing anybody any good? My friend Jeff wrote this on Sunday: “Changing your profile pic to a cartoon character won’t do a thing to stop child abuse. If you want to make a difference with your life, get off the couch and do it. Serve someone, help someone, show love to someone who doesn’t love themselves. give your self away, not just your picture.” I wonder how many people who changed their photos also made donations to organizations that fight child abuse. (by the way, if you want a good one to donate to, check out my Pay It Foward tab and read up on Mercy Ministries…)

And then there was the recent Keep A Child Alive “Digital Death” campaign, where some celebrities “sacrificed” (yeah, right) their social network accounts until $1 million was raised for the organization. But most of them couldn’t even wait a few days for the money to be raised to start tweeting and updating again. One article stated that “critics said it proves nobody cares about their Twitter presence.” No kidding; some sacrifice they made.

Remember the bra color campaign earlier this year? You know, the one where women changed their Facebook status to indicate what color bra they were wearing, to “raise awareness for breast cancer”? Well, consider this: many of those who are breast cancer survivors can’t wear bras anymore – so that campaign alienated the very people whom it was supposed to be raising awareness in support of. Nice, huh? Also, there was no group affiliation and no funds were being raised. Just “awareness.” Seriously, if you aren’t “aware” by now that breast cancer is a real issue, you must be living under a rock somewhere. As one breast cancer survivor stated, “Okay, time for a little less ‘awareness’ and a whole lot of ‘action’. the time to act is now. no more awareness, fix it.”

I know there are those who will argue that awareness generates conversation and “look, we’re talking about it now, so see it works.” Whatever. I’m a firm believer that the world can be changed on person at a time, but in order for that to be accomplished, some action must be taken. People trust actions, not words.

Want to make an impact while still involving social media?

Do what my friend Jill has done for the last two years – she has participated in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day, 60-Mile Walk for the Cure. She uses her Facebook page to share photos of her experience with her family and friends. She has raised nearly $6,000 over the past two years.

Do what one of my Fordyce Letter readers did this summer – he rode his bicycle 190 miles in memory of a friend he lost to kidney cancer, and helped raise $100,000 toward cancer research. He allowed us to post an article about it to help him celebrate this success.

Do what my friend Erica did – for her 29th birthday, she asked for donations to charity:water in lieu of gifts for herself. She offered photo shoots to people who donated at least $50 to her charity:water campaign this year. She raised over $11,000 for her cause.

Do what my friend John did – he grew out his facial hair for Movember this year and raised over $1,500. He posted updated photos of his ‘stache, and when everyone was done commenting on it, he implored, “Thanks for the comments. Now…everyone who commented, be sure to head over and donate one latte out of your budget for this week and support the fight against cancer (32K dads, brothers, sons, die each year).”

Do what I did a couple years ago when BlogCatalog.com ran Bloggers Against Abuse and asked people to dedicate their blogs for one day to a cause that helped abused individuals. A worker at Mercy Ministries commented on my post and thanked me for it, and I received an email from them shortly thereafter letting me know that they’d received donations as a direct result.

Keep in mind: all of the above required action by someone at some point.

Please don’t fool yourself. Hitting the “Like” button for a charitable organization’s Fan Page doesn’t mean you’re a supporter, because it doesn’t do anything to help that organization pay its bills so it can provide a service. If you really want to make a difference, get off your ass and go volunteer. Or donate some money or other resources. Charities can’t pay their bills with “likes” and “awareness.”

Poo-Pooing Social Media For Recruiting. #Tired. #Lame. I feel there is a point that is being missed here. Social media: yes everyone gripes about recruiters’ approach to it as another job board, or how much of a waste of time it is. But you know, lots of people also approach the telephone with the same mentality – smile-and-dial and robotically go through candidate calls. And I know lots of recruiters whose phone time is tracked who call friends, family, and each other around the office to boost their phone time – talk about a time-waste! I don’t see how any of these are different, because they’re all still a misuse of communication tools. The focus of this, and any, discussion when it comes to recruiting tools should be your voice. Because your voice is where everything begins. These tools – the telephone, email, social media, and whatever is next (think augmented reality and hologram-type stuff… cool!!) – are merely channels to amplify your own voice. I know some people who have a GREAT voice on social media, and others who suck at it. On the same note, I know some people who have a GREAT voice on the telephone, and others who suck at that too. And I’m not referring to the sound of their voice – I’m referring to the overall message they convey and the passion behind it.

Think of it this way; art comes in many different forms – paintings, writing, music, acting, etc. Often, someone who is a poetic writer may suck at playing an instrument. Or an actor might be an awful screenwriter. As well, some people don’t like music, or hate to read, or detest going to plays. Do these personal preferences make the artists any less of an artist, or diminish the importance or value of the artform itself? Not in my book – artists choose to amplify their voice through a method that they feel is best suited for them. As well, not everyone is going to like or appreciate an artist’s chosen mode of voice amplification, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still art. Diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior. Enough. Enough! ENOUGH!!! I am tired of seeing people bashing one another while making absolutely NO attempt to share their thoughts directly with the perpetrator. This isn’t middle school. Passive-aggressive behavior is lame. I respect people who, when they have a poor perception of someone, go directly to that person and share their thoughts (tactfully of course). Once that action has been taken, what the offending party chooses to do at that point is out of your hands. Whether they want to accept your constructive criticism (read: you share that you think what they did/said sucked yet offer up some helpful alternatives) or they simply shrug it off is out of your control. If you do due diligence to go straight to the source first, then I’m all for broadcasting your displeasure. But if you’re just snarking off on Facebook or Twitter without reaching out, then you’re the one with the real problem, IMHO.

Education and Certification. As far as these things go, I have mixed feelings about this. As someone who studied Exercise and Sports Science in college and never used my education professionally, I suppose I could say that earning a degree, or a certification, is pointless unless you have a specific use for it lined up afterward. However, my college education helped to shape me into who I am today – I learned how to be independent and discipline myself to complete tasks (something I think is SORELY lacking across all generations today), I learned how to manage my time by balancing school, work, and fun (see my recent post on being a workaholic), and I made some great connections while there that are still valuable today. I’ll repeat what I said above for this: diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks. Some people need the structured environment that certification courses, higher education, and conferences offer in order to learn stuff. They might get too easily distracted trying to pursue knowledge advancement on their own, or perhaps they simply enjoy the camaraderie of pursuing learning with other like-minded individuals. On the other hand, the School of Life has some pretty valuable lessons to offer in an unofficial capacity, so it’s ridiculous to dismiss individuals because they don’t have a few letters before or after their name. Which leads me into the next point…

Dismissing Experts and Gurus. Another tired and lame discussion, and I always refer to Jason Falls’ blog post on this topic when this discussion comes up. (long live Johnny Incrediblog!) Calling people who are good at what they do ‘snakeoil salespeople’ sounds like major sour grapes to me. I had a discussion with a friend last Thursday night about arrogance. Guess what – I’m all for it! Because I think there is a difference between being arrogant and being a prick. Healthy arrogance is good because I think it’s very important to know – and acknowledge – when you are good at what you do; being a prick is when you take that a step further and belittle those around you. Oddly, I see more people doing the latter….

Now – if you’re proclaiming yourself as an expert or a guru, you’d better have some proof to back it up. But do the same rules apply to those who’ve been dubbed by others as experts or gurus? I’ve had people tell me that I’m an expert on more than one occasion. Does that make me a snakeoil salesperson or a prick? I don’t think so. Do I believe that I really am an expert or a guru? Y’know, I’d like to think I know a thing or two about sourcing and about using social tools for recruiting. I don’t think I would have the kind of endorsements from true experts or have landed my last several roles if I didn’t. I’ll leave it at that.

Following Blindly. This one really bugs me. Just because everyone else thinks that someone or something is the best/worst doesn’t make it so. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb and form your own opinions. Nothing is worse to me than seeing a post that has 15 comments after it that say “You’re so right!” in one form or another. Grow a pair and challenge the herd! Don’t create a situation of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” where everyone is afraid to challenge the status quo even though we all know there’s something definitely wrong. Speak up!

In the same breath, don’t berate people who don’t share the same opinion as you on a particular topic or person. We can disagree while still respecting each other as human beings. Multiple thought processes are what make our community so knowledge-rich.

Hey – I’m learning all this stuff right along with you! Sometimes, seeing how ugly it looks coming from others helps you to wake up and realize how it looks coming from you too. My takeaway for you from my little tirade is this: keep your eyes on your own paper. Stop worrying so much about what other people are doing and pay attention to your own work. Just because you can’t/don’t have something, don’t make it your life’s mission to prevent others from having or pursuing it. Be respectful of each other and understand that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Form your own opinions about people and situations instead of sharing someone else’s just because they told you to. And don’t be afraid to say, “I was wrong; I’ve changed my mind.”

As how our colleague Joe Gerstandt wraps up his nightly tweets, “Be good to each other.”

When I left my first internet research job, which I held for 4 years, I also left a sizable internet research community via a listserv (numbering near 500 participants). As it was a proprietary listserv, I was no longer allowed access to it. I started my blog in order to stay connected to several of these researchers as well as to meet new people outside of that community. My first blog, by the way, was called “SPI Research” (now simply a placeholder), NOT Research Goddess. Research Goddess came about after I had conversations with Joel Cheesman and Jim Stroud. Joel informed me that I needed to create a memorable identity (as he did with Cheezhead), and Jim told me it would be in my best interest not to tie my blog directly to the company for which I worked at the time. He told me it would be hard to continue with the blog title “SPI Research” if I ever left SearchPath International, which I eventually did a year later.

Jim and I played around with some new possible blog titles on the phone one day, most of which I cannot recall now. In jest, I threw out “Research Goddess” and the line went silent. I thought at first I’d lost the connection, or that it was a horrible idea, but then I heard an enthusiastic “That’s awesome!!” from Jim. I chuckled, stating that it was just a joke, but Jim insisted that it was a great blog title and a memorable one at that. To this day, whenever Jim calls me or I call him, he always greets me with “Hello, Goddess!” It makes me giggle that he still does this, as it’s all in good fun.

As months turned into years, the nickname stuck. In fact, when I go to conferences now, I usually introduce myself and then throw in “I write Research Goddess”, and only then do I get the “Ohhhh, I know who you are!” responses. I am almost better known by my silly pseudonym than I am by my real name. What this tells me is 1) it’s a memorable nickname, but 2) I need to do a better job of tying who I really am in with the nickname. Working on that…

As a test to those of you reading this, here are a couple of other popular ‘nicknames’ of people you might recognize:

• The Sourceress
• The Searchologist
• Cincy Recruiter
• HR Bartender
• The Recruiter Guy
• The Red Recruiter
• Recruiting Animal
• MN Headhunter

While you may not know their real names off the top of your head, you recognize the names and know that each has a niche or a gimmick that is recognized and understood. That’s one of the important parts of creating a memorable identity for yourself. And one of the reasons “Research Goddess” has stuck to me.

Does it mean I believe I am a goddess? Heck no. I’m just another girl in this game, trying to learn and grow just like the rest of you, while sharing my thoughts with this little community. And quite honestly, for those of you who know me, I mean REALLY know me, you know that pretentious, selfish, or conceited are not words that describe me. Opinionated, yes. You’ll never have to wonder where I stand on issues. But having an opinion does not equate to being full of oneself.

If you think that the nickname “Research Goddess” means that I think I am an expert or a guru of sorts, please talk to any of my peers and learn otherwise. I will say that I feel blessed to have had opportunities cross my path that have enabled me to learn and develop my skills. As such, I do believe I have a decent grasp on good research techniques as well as some application of social media technologies when it comes to sourcing. Also, I believe my peers will tell you that I certainly have earned any praise that I have received. I believe I’ve worked hard and contributed some value to this industry, and I hope I’ve done a good job of paying it forward as well. BUT… I know I still have SO much to learn, and you will never hear me say anything to infer that I feel I’ve ‘arrived’. EVER.

If after having talked to my peers you still believe there is a conceited, pretentious, or conniving underlying purpose for my blog and my nickname, I strongly urge you to leave a comment here. Or call me directly – (360) 389-3227 – and let’s talk. Give me your thoughts as to why you believe this of me, and make some constructive suggestions for alternatives. I’m open to all ideas if you think I should take another direction. All I ask is that you don’t judge me or my intentions until you get to know me.

In the end, you’re certainly entitled to think whatever you want to about me. But I believe my work, my track record, and my peers’ experiences with me speak louder than anything else. I hope this sheds some light on the whole ‘research goddess’ thing. It’s just a stupid nickname, but it helps people recognize and remember me. And in my book, that’s a good thing.

When you look at an iceberg, you’re seeing only a small portion of the whole iceberg above the water. In fact, it’s estimated that as much as 80-90% of an iceberg is below the surface of the water. You never see 80-90% of the iceberg. Success is much the same. When you look at someone who has achieved it, you’re only seeing a small portion of what’s behind it. You don’t see humble beginnings, taking chances and failing, bankruptcies, or wrong choices. So it’s easy to attribute someone’s success to “luck” or some other ridiculous excuse as to why they’re there and you’re not.

Luck happens when opportunity meets preparedness. Success is found traveling a narrow, difficult, and rarely traversed road. For this reason alone, not many people achieve true success. In the Declaration of Independence, we are guaranteed the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What we are NOT guaranteed is happiness itself. If you choose to pursue it, you have the opportunity and the freedom to do so. But it does NOT mean that you’ll necessarily find it. I think a lot of people today feel like they have a right to happiness. But if it were handed to you without having to work for it, you would neither appreciate it nor place appropriate value on it. That’s why success and happiness must be worked for.

We look at others who are deemed successful – people like Bill Gates, Anne Mulcahy (former CEO of Xerox), Warren Buffet, Vera Wang, and others, and see what we consider finished products, people who’ve amassed incredible wealth and success in their careers. What we so often do not see are the years and years of learning, hardship, trial and error, and failure, which got these people to where they’re at. And what many so often sadly do is judge, and even resent, the success these people have achieved simply because they’ve achieved it, saying things like “They ought to be giving more to charity” or “It’s just wrong for someone to make that much money”.

Give me a freakin’ break. Take off your robe and put down your gavel and take a look in the mirror instead.

The only reason you say that is because it’s not YOU. If YOU were in that position of success, you would applaud the success of others instead of resenting it. The people who wag their fingers in the face of successful people and tell them how ‘selfish’ they are, how they aren’t ‘doing their part’  to give back to society, or that it’s a sin for someone to have so much, are probably not doing a whole lot themselves. The reason I say this is that every successful person I’ve ever met in my life knows how hard it is to work toward and reach goals, and they respect those who’ve set and achieved goals and found personal success. They don’t sit around coveting what others have or declaring that it’s not deserved; they go out and get it for themselves.

I’ll get really transparent here. The fact of the matter is that I’ve been at the low end of the totem pole. I’ve been in situations where I literally had $6 to my name, and that had to last me through the end of the month and had to put gas in my car to get to work and food on my plate. I’ve been in the situation where I racked up a large amount of credit card debt from making poor choices. I had academic scholarships to pay for my college tuition, but I had to work a full-time job all through school to pay for room and board because my mother had no income for the entire first year I was in school due to a serious work injury and Worker’s Comp’s refusal to handle the situation (another topic for another time). I’ve had to work two jobs, 16 hours a day, 6 days a week to save enough to move out on my own. I’ve had to couch-surf at my brother’s place because I couldn’t afford to rent my own apartment for two months after I moved to Cincinnati. And I am grateful for every single one of these difficult situations in my life because it made me appreciate reaching my goals that much more. I rose above my situations and found my own success. I’m not done yet, but I’m pretty damned proud of where I’ve gotten to today.

As a result, I am someone who believes that achievement, not entitlement, should be rewarded. This ‘Robin Hood’ mentality that so many have today I think is misguided. People who have taken steps to better their lifestyle and are currently in a place where they are seeing the fruits of their labor should not be penalized (like being taxed a third of their income) for doing so. None of us is guaranteed happiness. We’re guaranteed the right to pursue it. Some choose to pursue it, others don’t. And those who choose to pursue it are all at different points in their pursuit. Some are at the beginning and still struggling, but they have hope. Others have achieved some goals and should be allowed to enjoy what they’ve accomplished. I dislike when people take a look at, and then choose to criticize, an end product and don’t ever take into consideration the time and heartache that went into achieving that success. We all have to start somewhere.

The quote at the bottom of my email signature says ‘Remember where you came from, and always reach back.’ I have the honor and privilege of giving back from my own abundance to some wonderful causes that encourage and uplift people to help them get through tough times and achieve success again in their lives. I am inspired by people who struggle, and fail, but who get back up and make things work. I’ve worked very hard to get where I am and I will not apologize for what I have, nor will I be made to feel guilty for it either.

In my honest opinion, those who complain about how unfair it is for some people to achieve and be rewarded for that achievement while others struggle don’t have any aspirations of getting any further than where they are today and are just looking for someone to blame for their lack of drive. You cannot look at another’s success and judge them based only on what you see. Behind that success inevitably is a story of struggle, and a person who appreciates the hard work it took to get where they’re at, as well as a person who generally wants to assist others in finding similar success.

If you’re currently in that place where you’re struggling – keep moving forward. You’re going to fail sometimes, but you must get back up and continue. When you achieve your goals, the reward we be that much sweeter. And look to those who’ve achieved success not with resentment or jealousy, but as a source of inspiration. After all, they were once where you are.

Several years ago, my brother shared a phrase with me that has stuck in my mind, and I’ve used it several times to describe some rather crass behavior that I, and I am sure you, have observed online since this whole social media thing really started becoming popular:

On Thursday of last week, I asked a simple question via LinkedIn Answers, inquiring about the Facebook app use of college students. I initially only received 2 responses, one of which was incredibly patronizing from a guy I’ll call Bruce:

“Have you tried GOOGLE?… Are you aware that this is LINKEDIN, a professional website with a totally different target market than that of FB?”

Gee thanks there buddy. I appreciate the condescending tone.

1. I am well aware of the platform in which I am presenting this question. It’s an online network, like Facebook. My assumption was that some of the folks who use LinkedIn just might also use Facebook. Anyone else agree with this theory?
2. If Mr. Bruce had bothered to look at my profile, he’d have noticed that I’ve got a little experience doing research, so yeah I’ve heard of that thing called “Google”. One thing I’ve learned through my experience is that to get the best research, you have to use several different sources. And – sometimes the best information is gathered from end users, NOT the company pushing the product… i.e. the college students I was targeting with my question.

My guess is that if I had asked this question in person, Brucey here would not have used that kind of implied pompous tone in his response. But because he’s sitting there behind his computer screen, he feels comfortable puffing out his chest and responding with this air of arrogance that unfortunately seems to be a common occurrence these days. He’s got some virtual balls. Anyone else noticing this? People saying things online that they’d absolutely never say to someone’s face? What’s up with that?

My mother taught me a lesson when I was a little girl: Treat others as you’d want them to treat you. I think that’s in the Bible in some form somewhere, as well If someone’s asking a question, try to play nice in the sandbox and don’t respond with a jerky, snarky response. Or don’t respond at all.

My thoughts on this topic are:

• If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t send it in an email, post it in a forum, or text it to their phone.
• Pick up the phone once in awhile to have a real conversation instead of texting.
• Remember that just because you’re not in front of them doesn’t give you license to be a complete jerk.

Sidenote: if your LinkedIn profile is written in 3rd person, you might be a narcissist.

So for full disclosure, I did send a private response to ol’ Brucey (though posting it here I guess doesn’t really make it private anymore now does it!) thanking him for his advice. Don’t worry; if I ever have the pleasure of meeting him in person, I’d have no problem saying this to him:

“Thank you for that helpful advice and kind tone, Bruce. I guess I shouldn’t have assumed that those who are connected in some degree with me, a professional researcher, here on LinkedIn (an online network), would also be users of Facebook (also an online network) and might therefore be able to offer up a useful response. Silly me!”